Kochi: Skirts and fishnets

The first thing we noticed when we got to Kochi were the skirts….on the men. They are long pieces of cloth that look like oversized tea towels, worn wrapped around the waist, either long, or doubled-up and short. This skirt is most often paired with an Archie Bunker button-up, plaid shirt. We were certain there was a ceremonial or religious reason for these man-skirts, and polled our taxi drivers, hotel staff, and waiters. We got shrugs and the vague answer, “It’s what they wear here.” Fair enough. It’s like going to Jersey and asking, “What’s up with the gold chains?” or to Texas and asking “Why all the cowboy boots?” It’s just what they wear here.

Kochi is in the state of Kerala, which is famous for Ayurveda, a holistic study of healing, and the Ayurvedic massage centers attract European and American tourists like moths to a flame. Or like flies to a bowl of green curry or like cows to a pineapple, more apt similes given our location. We’ve done a few treatments, mostly Nurse Erin since she is interested in learning more about the medical aspect of the practice, and it’s been quite an experience. There is no lying on a heated massage bed, with Enya playing in the background and cucumber slices on your eyelids. It’s an aggressive and invasive light pummeling, where you lay on a hard mat or wooden slats, are basted to death with “special” oil, then rubbed down vigorously. The therapist isn’t big on privacy or comfort; it’s all business. You come out of the treatment relaxed and loose, yet oddly feeling like you have fallen down a flight of steps completely naked.

We started our morning looking for one of these famed Ayurveda centers, stopping first for coffee at a joint recommended by our guidebooks. Unfortunately, too many traveling hippies read the same recommendation, and a bunch of doped-up white kids were asleep on mats with metal music playing in the background. It looked like a scene from Trainspotting. The menu announced “Every Order Takes 20 Minutes” and they weren’t kidding, even if coffee is all you requested. We were invited back later for the Bob Marley dance party, but decided to pass.

After our colorful coffee break, we took a stroll around Fort Cochin with its winding streets, lazy teahouses, and parks filled with school children. The numerous European settlers to the Kochi coast brought Christianity and Judaism to the area. As a result, there are several large cathedrals and a historic synagogue in a shopping area called Jew Town (Bill Maher would like the inattention to political correctness over here). The harbor is lined with the locally famed Chinese fishing nets that are raised and lowered into the water on hand fashioned wooden pulleys. Unfortunately, due to dredging and rampant pollution, the fishermen are having a terrible year and Kochi is now relying almost 100% on tourism. Kristen and I did our part to spur the economy. For a small donation, we headed out to the docks and “helped” pull up nets, chatted with the fishermen, and took pictures with fish that we pretended we caught.

We also toured a small palace built several hundred years ago by the Dutch for the local Maharaja. The Kochins could have easily speared the Dutch to death when they landed in Kochi to set up a trade company, as they had earlier invaders, but they didn’t and the palace was a gift of thanks. The coolest thing about the Kochi royal family is that the regal lineage passed through the mother, a rarity in India. While there are no royals left in Kochi, the tradition lives on to a degree, and many Kochins take the last name of their mother instead of their father. I like a town where the women are boss and men wear skirts.

That night, we went to see Kathakali, a 2^nd century dance, native to Kerala. If you knew what was going on, I bet it would be great. Regardless, it was entertaining to see the colorfully painted “mimes” doing a minimal dance routine in their wild looking costumes, making symbolic hand gestures and over-the-top facial expressions. The number we saw was about the harshest break-up ever: a princess in “heaven” falls in love with a warrior and they decide to wed. He wants to ask her parents for permission to marry, but she is a floozy and says, “let’s not bother”. He is so upset about her lack of morals he cuts off her boobs and tosses her out of heaven. Rough crowd.

Next we head to Alleppey to ride the famed backwaters in a houseboat. Our travel agent has described the boat as “OK, very good” so we could be getting anything from Huck Finn’s raft to the QE II. Let’s hope for smooth sailing.